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May 24, 2012

Jeanne is moving out of the house next weekend.  I can’t ignore the fact that this is hard for me.  But what’s that about.  Is it about missing her?  Sure it will be different but in exchange of the seeing her face in the morning at the breakfast table I get to stop by her new house with gifts.  I get to help her create her next step.  I know this is necessary for her to be who she needs to be.  I certainly have seen the alternative.  My brother would kick me right in the ass if he knew I was even writing this.

So what is this about really?  Is it about mortality?  Is it about the fear that it will no longer be my job to make everything ok?  I think I have a hard time with this because I don’t know what it is like to be in Jeanne’s shoes.  I was always kind of on my own.  By the time I was Jeanne’s age I paid for everything on my own.

Am I letting my feelings of not having someone take care of me keep me from do what I am supposed to be doing?  It’s still my job to make her transitions easy for her.  So I am hereby giving myself a kick in the ass.

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